Ambiguous Grief: Coping with Uncertain Losses in Later Life
Losing a loved one is never easy, and an article from Eterneva states that more than 57% of Americans have experienced a major loss in the last three years.
People can often experience grief in such situations, and it's always difficult to deal with. This grief is natural, but understanding it can make managing the challenges that it brings much easier.
Ambiguous grief is related to a profound sense of loss and sadness, but it's typically not associated with physical death. It can be quite complicated, and this makes it more difficult to deal with.
In this guide, we'll explore what Ambiguous grief is, how it's caused, and how you can cope with it. Keep reading for more.
What Is Ambiguous Grief?
Ambiguous grief can occur when a loved one is still alive but is no longer the person they once were. It can also occur when a strong relationship ends or if a loved one goes missing.
The loved one may still be alive, but they're not physically or psychologically present like they once were. For example, they could be:
- Incarcerated
- Away due to military deployment
- Suffering from dementia or a traumatic brain injury
- Experiencing a major life change
Due to the fact that it doesn't actually involve a loved one dying, people often dismiss ambiguous grief. However, it can be very difficult to deal with and should always be taken seriously.
It's hard to recognize, and people often struggle to validate their emotions. Ambiguous grief can cause feelings of:
- Sorrow
- Numbness
- Persistent longing
- Pain
- Bitterness
- Guilt
- Anger
- Rumination
If you're suffering from ambiguous grief and others around you can't understand it, you may also feel invalidated and lonely.
Causes of Ambiguous Grief
There are various specific situations that can lead to ambiguous grief. In general, most of these fall into one of two categories.
Goodbye Without Leaving
When someone is still physically alive and present but is no longer relationally or emotionally a part of your life, you can experience ambiguous grief. Some common examples of when this may happen include:
- A divorce
- A chronic illness (like dementia)
- Relocation to a new country
The significant change or total loss of a relationship can cause a sense of grief.
Leaving Without Goodbye
You could experience ambiguous grief if a loved one is physically absent, but you're not certain if they're actually alive. The most common example of uncertain loss is when a person goes missing. It could also happen in a situation of abandonment due to addiction or a parent abandoning a family.
In such situations, there's a lack of closure that can be difficult to deal with. It can significantly intensify the grief that a person feels in contrast to a traditional funeral or mounting period.
Coping With Ambiguous Grief
If you're suffering from ambiguous grief, you may be worried that what you're feeling will never go away. Fortunately, there are some coping mechanisms that you can employ which may help your situation.
Identify Your Grief
Before you can deal with any kind of grief, you need to acknowledge and identify it. Make a list of any changes in your life that could have led to the pain you're feeling.
Tackling things alone can be very hard to do. It may be best to share this list with a relative, friend, or therapist.
Recognize Multiple Emotions
During the grieving process, it's common to feel a range of emotions. This can sometimes be overwhelming, but learning to recognize these different emotions will make it easier to cope with them.
In some cases, these feelings can be mixed and somewhat contradictory. For example, you might feel a combination of distress and gratitude or relief and sadness. Embrace these emotions and allow yourself to feel them without judgment.
Avoid Comparisons
Everyone experiences grief in different ways, even in very similar situations. You should avoid comparing your grief to that of others. Doing so can be counter-productive.
Bear in mind that multiple losses can cause grief to compound, making it significantly worse. Stay focused on your situation so that you can handle it effectively.
Consider Ceremonies
One of the challenges of ambiguous grief is that it usually comes from situations that lack closure. To help with this, you can create your own ceremonial activities which may provide therapeutic benefits.
Some ideas that you could use include:
- Writing a letter to the person you've lost
- Conducting a symbolic ritual representing your ambiguous grief as well as your healing process
- Planting a tree in their honor
These may seem unusual, but they're fairly straightforward and can be more helpful than you might expect.
Seek Support
When dealing with emotional challenges, many people are reluctant to seek out help. However, doing so is one of the best decisions you can make.
Supportive individuals in your life can make it much easier to cope with ambiguous grief. You may be able to find peer groups to connect with others in similar situations. Professional grief counseling can also be a good approach.
Embrace Self Care
When experiencing any kind of grief, many people fail to look after themselves properly. You should make an effort to focus on your mental, physical, and emotional health. Some ways you can do this include:
- Meditating
- Journaling
- Exercising
- Pursuing hobbies
Proper self-care will help you manage your grief more effectively, and your well-being should always be a priority.
Ambiguous Grief in the Elderly
Dementia-related grief can be one of the worst kinds. A person may still be present, but dementia may cause significant personality changes. Such situations can be difficult for seniors and everyone around them.
Senior living communities are incredibly helpful here. They're great environments for those with senior emotional health issues and they can help entire families effectively manage ambiguous grief.
Sagebrook Senior Living at San Francisco is a well-renowned senior living community that offers both assisted living and memory care. Our experienced team can help seniors cope with a huge range of mental, physical, and emotional issues through compassion, caring, and professional training.
Does this sound like something that you or a loved one could benefit from? Schedule a tour of our community today.